So today I tried something. I put on a sweater. Sure, I have sweaters, I've worn them before, thin things that really aren't any warmer they t-shirts. This was a real sweater, with mysteriously thick material. Goodness only knows what they call it. When I put it on, I received a strange sensation. Heat. Too much of it. This crazy material was trapping my bodyheat and pinning it to my sides! I experienced dizziness, and collapsed into my chair, admitting defeat to the sweater. After regaining presence of mind, I examined the heat prison further. I discovered Two stripes acrossed the middle. I was intrigued as to the purpose of them. They were mildly stylish, but surely not enough to make this unbearable clothing worth wearing. Suddenly It came to me. This thing could probably cause heatstroke easily enough, and these stripes served as a warning signal to others that the wearer may not be in his right mind.

After becoming somewhat accustomed to the extreme temperatures, I attempted movement again. Arm use was slightly restricted, and it had a tendency to cover my hands. I ran around a little. As expected, heat rose quickly, and quickly caused perspiration. I soon had to sit down again. I tried going outside. It was probably 40 to 50 degrees out there, and a bit windy. Of course I felt little of this. These crazy huge clothes restricted my experience of the lovely weather to just my head! This was injustice.

I officially declare the sweater to be a useless extra weight. Let us embrace cold weather and t-shirts! We who are not wimps, living in fear of chills and hiding from the wind behind huge pieces clothe, we will rule the universe! We who go out to bring the dog in in below freezing temperatures with naught but boxers and boots, not those who complain because the thermostat isn't cranked high enough. We will have our reign.