In Final Fantasy, a notable successful RPG series, when your heroes are ailing they apply a potion to themselves. A magic elixir which heals wounds, or to the game player, replenishes HP. EarthBound, obviously isn’t medieval, which is one of the things that distinguishes it from the majority of other RPG’s on the market. What was EarthBound’s solution to modernizing HP replenishment? Modern foodstuffs!

EarthBound is a delicious title, and it brings back memories of all my simpleton joys of growing up being a fickle child, not audacious when it came to trying new types of food, I often vouched for a hamburger or hot dog when it came to mealtimes. EarthBound embraces the simple pleasure attitude of eating with simple choices such as fries and fruit. Of course, there are also eccentricities such as Kraken Soup and Peanut Cheese Bars. And for the picky non-westerner, Poo, there is always hyper-eccentricities like the Brain Food Lunch and Bowl of Rice Gruel.

However, I tend to digress when we get on to topics I like, such as food. The real issue at hand here is the conditions in which our heroes and heroine decide to sip back on a Royal Iced Tea or suck on a popsicle. You get to eat during the battle! Now I don’t know if I’m the only one here, but don’t you find it hilarious that this occurs? I mean, Ness is duking it out with Frank, and Frank brandishes a knife and Ness has a slice taken out of him. Ness sits in the corner and decides to eat a hamburger? Are you telling me Frank just sits there twiddling his thumbs waiting for Ness to go through something as lengthy as the digestive process? Either that or the chosen four are pigs and can make snacky time as quick as snapping a Mr. Saturn at an opponent in a round of Super Smash Bros. Melee.

Another funny situation I envision is how the entire chosen four would go about eating a pizza during the battle with Starman DX. They are surrounded by Starmen, all blasting at them with lasers, and then Ness just whips a picnic table out of his backpack, Paula pulls a pizza out of her handbag (I’m not a stickler for realism, I’d be playing the wrong game, were that the case), and everyone just goes on a feeding frenzy, while avoiding lasers, and dishing out the bottle rockets and baseball bats at random robotic heads!

Of course, I suppose we could just make our characters eat outside of battle, and rely on Ness and Poo’s PSI Lifeup abilities, but how much fun is that? If you’ve got a bit of imagination, EarthBound becomes even more crazy, why not embrace this fact?

Next on my article writing agenda? Well, I’ve gotta lot of ideas on my plate. To all those kids who are stuck for topics, go play EarthBound! THIS MEANS YOU!