You might have noticed all these weird ads all over Fourside recently: “Take my cab and enjoy a free ride!” Well, I wanted to know what all the fuss was about! I first obtained the phone number of the sole print shop in Eagleland, Lier X. Agerate, I used my sexy looks to obtain information about who the mysterious taxi guy was. “He’s green. That’s all I know, but we could discover about this mystery together, I won’t be in your legs… unless you ask me to,” said the weird man. I giggled.

With this information, I wore a pretty skirt and headed down to Jackie’s Cafe, a good source of any kind of information. I eyed a manly customer and approached him: “Do you know anyone green?” “I sure do”, answered the man. He then led me to a dark alley. I was sweating with excitement about meeting this mysterious green man who makes advertisement about free taxi rides. That’s when I suddenly heard a weird noise… It pretty much sounded like a burp. And there laid in front of me a big toad: “Hello, I am the armored frog, care for a ride in my taxicar?”, it said. I replied that I was pleased.

We toured the entire city of Fourside, chatting about this and that. We had a great time. And it was free! How wonderful! He even told me about what the sign in the city said, and told me about the importance of talking to everyone at different point of the game, since they could give me different information. I even saw the building where they were working on EarthBound 2. That was such a sweet day.

When it was time to leave the cab, we ended up kissing. I expected him to turn into a prince, but he just tried to reach under my skirt. I got real mad and gave him a SMAAAAASH hit on the cheeks with my purse. That was it. I had had it with people not respecting women. So I joined Onett’s association of MAAFWGFCR (Mother’s Against Armored Frogs Who Give Free Cab Rides.)

So remember to not kiss frog because they are not prince, just horny frogs. Free rides aren’t really free is you get a little touchy touchy in exchange. Remember: you heard it here first!