This a story of Ness’s father, who had the ability to remain concealed through Ness’s entire great quest. Now, before anybody goes off thinking, “hey, will this tell us who the father is?” let me tell everybody that it will not. Rather, this is the story that Ness’s father passed on about finding their dog, King. Wait! Don’t leave just yet; there is still much to tell, and it is actually kind of loopy.

This harkens back to the days when Ness’s father still was one of the chief editors at ENC, a highly prestigious and enjoyed newspaper. This is the point where things get really scrambled up. A ghost, who called himself the Ghost of ENC, came and told Ness’s father about something that nobody really cares about. Ness’s dad ate his donut and laughed. “What are you going to do Mister Ghosty?” he inquired.

Then the Ghost of ENC shot him off to the land of Schnizzegahh, which is supposedly somewhere around Lake Ontario. Four ten weeks he had to eat berries, and the natives almost Canadian Baconned him to death while at his house there was much less laundry. Eventually, he joined a pack of Ontario-in purple wolves (Canis violetus). He learned the ways in Canada, and eventually found that he could have an opportunity to get back home.

He stole away the Alpha-male of the pack, whose spots grayed after being separated from the pack, and rode him home. Because it was the Alpha-male he stole away, he named it King, a regal name. Then he got home to find that he lost his job at ENC because some ghost shot him to nowhere, he was forced to shave the carpets of hair all over him, and then he joined a telemarketing group where he did no marketing but much talking to his son and other various people. Then he got stuck in a phone, most think because of Schnizzegahh.

Hey, I said all of this in the third-person.