Greetings, fellow Onettians. This is your kindhearted mayor Pirkle speaking. I’m sure most of you have read Frieza’s letter to ENC and are quite worried, but fear not. As long as we have Ness to protect us, Frieza will not harm any of you. In fact, he’s probably just bluffing. Go about your business and worry not about Frieza, even if he supposedly can blow up a planet in the blink of an eye. We, the government, know just how to deal with this alien madman. Trust in us, and we will trust in you. If anything, Frieza will get bored and leave. Don’t let his threats ruin your holiday. Instead, donate your money to the Eagleland government. We are building a secret weapon that can counter his evil power. With sufficient funding, we can destroy him in a single blow. We will accept donations in $100 increments, or just forward it directly to our ATM accounts. Eagleland’s Christmas and future depends on YOU.