Hello there, citizens of Eagleland. My name is Frieza, and many of you may have heard of me. I have over seventy-nine planets under my rule and I’m one of the most powerful beings in the universe, ahahaha!

I have arrived here in Eagleland in hopes of having an excellent Christmas. Now, I’m technically not on vacation, since being an evil overlord is a 24-7 job, but I’ll try to relax as much as I can. Keeping in mind that I am able to destroy a planet in the blink of an eye, I am expecting the best Christmas ever.

While I’m here, I’ll expect all of you to be hospitable. There is no need to fear me unless you make me angry. The best way to avoid that is to give me a friendly greeting when I pass by and please do not make fun of my short stature or my womanly voice. The best way to keep me happy is to accede to my demands, which are the following.

Each of you will bring me at least one present, and I’ll expect lots of cookies and candy. When I wake up on Christmas morning, I’ll be expecting you to crowd around my spaceship and greet me with a shout of “Hail Lord Frieza!”, followed by every Christmas carol you know.

On the topic of presents, I especially enjoy chocolate, video games, and of course, Dragonballs. Give me immortality for X-Mas if at all possible. If you are going to get me video games, I’ll expect to receive this “Earthbound” that everybody’s been talking about.

I would also like to wake up on Christmas morning to see stockings lining my spaceship, all filled with toys and candy.

You’ll be hearing from me. Consider yourselves warned.

Sincerely, Frieza.